just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
