I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
