How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
