Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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