We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
