He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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