this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
