my phone needs a breathalizer
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
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Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
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Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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