Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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