And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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