Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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