i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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