I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
