hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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