he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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