come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
