she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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