I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
