hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
