I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
