the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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