He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
