I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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