Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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