She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
