just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
