4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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