and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
