try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
