you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
