Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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