and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
