And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
