If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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