Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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