I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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