she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Randomize
