How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
