Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize