so let's talk penis.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
she peed on how many people?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
