walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
false alarm, still single
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
