i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
