Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
