I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Farmville is her only friend.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
