Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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