I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
