fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
