DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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