nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
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i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
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i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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