I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
