found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
