he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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