Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
The power of my boobs compel you
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
