You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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