That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
