they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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