Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
