Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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