You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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