If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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