Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
