Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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