OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
