I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
