I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
