can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
