Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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