My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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