Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
