yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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