Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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