My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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