yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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