how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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