well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
dude i'm inner monologue high
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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