even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
