in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
