8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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