Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
