I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
