At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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