when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
